So I just wanted to take a moment to describe the total adoration I have for the awkwardness that is my annual exam. In my life, like any girl my age, I have probably been fingered and felt up by a woman twice my age four of five times. Recently, I've started to feel a bit cheap since I can't recall any of their names, and everyone else I've gone that far with has- for better or for worse- made more of an impression. I think there is something so positively refreshing about such an uncomfortable situation, ya know, like a woman I don't know asking me how often I feel myself up. I guess some girls get off on that, but I didn't figure out how to 'touch myself' until about two years ago, and if its so normal to have a vibrator, then why hasn't anyone ever bought one for me? I've even been so fortunate as to have an exam in a foreign country and deal with the language barrier. I mean, my French is conversational, but certainly not medically efficient.
The point is, I am happy to report the complete absence of chlamydia and gonorrhea, and what's more? The doctor said I have a great looking cervix. Personally, I can't imagine a stranger sticking their face in my crotch(flashbacks...) if I was a more timid or awkward person. I'm really all about making the doctor comfortable. We even joked about how the only time I forgot to take my pill was when I was in Amsterdam. Its amazing that you can do something everyday for three years and then all of a sudden get so high it totally escapes your mind. Besides that trip, though, remembering that I don't want to get knocked up is the easiest thing for me to remember and I can't understand people who miss pills.
When I got back from studying abroad(after running out of pills and traveling for six weeks) I thought I was pregnant. In fact, I was convinced that I had to abort a baby before sporting my skanky French maillot de bain in front of my mom's side of the family. To make matters worse, I knew who the father was, and I also knew he would've wanted me to keep it- which I would not have. I also knew that he was a construction worker in Ireland, granted a soulmate, but not my baby's daddy. Not now. I even looked him in the eye when we were going through Belfast(what the hell is going on in that part of Ireland, by the way) and said "If you knock me up. I'll kill it." And I was serious. I only recently started taking moderately appropriate care of myself. If there was a baby crying in my apartment right now I would keep typing and tell it to shut up because I am not ready for that. However, at the time, a friend of mine had a baby and put pictures of herself all round and swollen up on facebook which, frankly, I do not believe is an appropriate forum to advertise pregnancy out of wedlock or either of those things on their own. I was super emotional whenever I saw a baby, though, because lets face it, on some level, everybody wants one. That pregnancy scare has actually affected my sexual practices. I was sure that I had to abort the baby of someone I actually love, and now I can't just let anyone stick it to me, ya know. Guys who refuse to wear condoms are dirty and inconsiderate. Just because everyone would rather hit it raw doesn't make it the best decision. Most of the casual sex that goes on- at least on this campus- is not between two mature individuals who know each other, and thats why I'm into having sex with my category of friends that aren't forever, but who I've known for quite some time. Not that I've done that in a while, but it really is just like riding a bike.
Comments
Loved this line: "I have probably been fingered and felt up by a woman twice my age four of five times. Recently, I've started to feel a bit cheap since I can't recall any of their names" -- brilliant